Skinny v. Healthy

In the past when you were on a mission to lose weight, what was your motivation? Was it because you wanted to be skinny or because you wanted to be healthy? If I’m being really honest with you guys, I would probably say that 85% of my drive to lose weight is to be skinny. I want to lose weight so that I can look hot, wear stilettos and shop in all the stores in the mall. I don’t want to be the fattest person in the room and I don’t want others to think I’m lazy solely because I’m overweight. It’s a sad fact, but people treat you better when you’re not overweight. I didn’t grow up as an overweight child. And, I’ve lost 50 pounds in 6 months on two separate occasions while trying “get skinny.” These losses have allowed me to experience life not being fat.  However, the motivation to maintain it wears off because I no longer feel miserably fat, just kinda fat.  I start to think, okay now that I’m not morbidly obese and I can shop in the normal size stores, I can relax. Of course being smaller doesn’t make the world perfect, I still had bad days, but in general life is a little easier when you’re thinner.

Yesterday, I was reading a blog post on BGGWL and she said that she didn’t begin to lose weight until after she started focusing on “getting healthy” and not focusing on “losing weight.” Most of the time I couldn’t care less about being healthy and I really just wanted to get skinny. I think it’s the desire to be skinny (not healthy) that pushes people (including yours truly) to drink cayenne pepper lemonade and eat cabbage for 10 days.  The doctor never told me I’m dying or really sick so I felt like I was healthy enough.

So today, I decided to take her advice and focus on being healthy, which of course has obvious desired side effect of losing weight. Attempting to lose weight makes me feel so much pressure because I have so much to lose.  Anytime I make one mistake and eat a doughnut I feel completely derailed and want to give up. On the contrary, I can make healthy choices throughout the day that make me feel successful. I drank a protein shake and ate fruit for breakfast today, and instead of feeling fat when I looked in the mirror, I felt accomplished that I had done something healthy. I ate a healthy lunch and then I put on my coat and gloves and did a brisk walk around the neighborhood for the other half of my lunch break.  When I got winded, I almost told myself “you’re so fat, that’s why you’re out of breath.”  But, I caught myself, why would I beat up on myself right in the midst of doing a healthy activity? Throughout the day, I continued to track my food on Calorie Count.

I shifted my focus from how fat I am, and skinny I want to be, to the healthy choices I was making.  This afternoon I recommended one of my coworkers who’s training for half marathon to lay off the sodas (diet and regular) to help alleviate her knee pain.  She was so grateful for my advice.  I told her that I used to have to wear an Ace bandage type knee brace every time I worked out, but since I cut out the sodas, I don’t need it. So much that I don’t even know where it is anymore. It made me feel good that I could help influence someone else to be healthy too. You can get skinny drinking diet soda (maybe), but nobody claims it’s healthy.

After work I met with my accountant and filed my taxes. I had already made up my mind days before, that I wouldn’t “have time” to work out today. But since I focused on being healthy instead of the overwhelming pressure to be skinny, I could see all the great things I had done today. I got changed and then went to the gym to run at almost 9 o’clock at night.  I called up my Gym Cousin and we ran with my Week 5 podcasts, and I finished almost every interval. When I left the gym I felt great! I didn’t feel “not skinny enough,” or feel like I didn’t burn enough calories to actually lose weight.  I felt satisfied because I was doing healthy activity despite “only” being on Week 5, days before my 5K race.  I felt healthy, and it felt good.  It’s amazing what one little shift in a mindset can do.  And to top it all off I had a nice “side effect” and lost 1.6 pounds for Weigh in Wednesday.

I’m curious to know, what motivates you?

Change the Places you Go

I had decent weekend, and even went to the gym…again!  To my surprise, while I was lying across the bed being lazy, my Big Little Sister called and asked me to go to the gym with her. I quickly agreed to join her.  I pedaled on the elliptical for an hour and she did running intervals on the treadmill next to me.  After that hard workout, we were proud of our success, but we were both grossed out by our sweat soaked shirts.

Then, on Saturday night I went out with my old co-worker friend for my birthday, followed by church on Sunday.  I went to my family church to support my Little Sister on her last weekend in St. Louis.  I think I told y’all, but she’s going to college in New Orleans, majoring in Pre-Med.  She did a beautiful praise dance and we celebrated the Pastor’s 42^nd Pastoral anniversary.  It was wonderful to see my family and my church family, but I was also reminded why I need a new church home.  You have to change the way you do things to get different results.  And…it’s just not a lot of change happening there.  Nonetheless, I got to see my Honey Bunny.  She looked at me in my eyes and with the seriousness of doctor speaking to a patient said, “Auntie, I NEED to go play today.”  I laughed and replied “you ‘Need’ to?”  And she shook her head and said “Yes.” with the same intensity.  Since it was such a severe concern, I told her I would take her to the playground after church, and she was thrilled.

Monday, I had a bad case of the lazies and scale anxiety that made me want to skip my Weight Watcher meeting.  Then I could hear my leader’s voice in my head asking me “What, was the word you used…commitment?”  Yes, I had committed to attending meetings.  And I realized, I don’t have to weigh-in.  I know what I did last week, I went to the gym twice, played in the park with my niece and walked on my lunch break.  That’s more intentional activity than I’ve done for a while.  I also ate too much b-day cake, days after my birthday was over.  I knew that number on the scale would screw up my head, so I didn’t weigh in.  I’m enjoying breaking my emotional connections to it.  Sometimes (not all), but sometimes, I don’t even think about it in the morning.  Nor does the “gaping hole” where it used to sit look as weird.  Without the distraction from that “number” I was able to focus in the meeting.  She talked about the empty calories in various drinks and changing your environment.  She said studies show that most of the time “willpower” fails.  But, changing your environment is a much more effective way to be successful.  She recommended using a smaller plate, versus loading up a big plate and then telling yourself to eat a small portion. That stuck in my mind, but for the most part I felt like I’d controlled my environment. I rarely keep high calorie food and snacks in my house and use a small plate when I remember.  I also don’t keep Snickers in my desk drawer at work, but instead green tea, slim fast, oatmeal and popcorn.

But, today, I listened to a podcast and the guy said you have to change your environment and examine the places you GO.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My home pantry is good, but where do I “go” when I leave work? I looked at my bank statement, Rally’s hamburger, McDonalds, Captain D’s, Taco Bell, Quick Trip for a slushy drink all in one week! The only reason that donut from the other day isn’t on there is because I paid cash. Yikes!  Well, duh.  I knew I ate fast food, because its… well, fast and it’s easier than cooking for one person.  But man, I would be fool to think I would make good choices by constantly putting myself in these environments.   Sure McDonalds has apples and yogurt, but that’s not what I order.  Instead of torturing myself into trying to use “willpower” and make a healthy choice, I think I should just avoid them.  Now realistically, I know I’m always on the go with my rental properties in the evening, but I still have the power to choose where I eat.  I can’t say I’m never going through the Mickey D’s drive thru again.  But, now that I’m more aware of places I go, I see more cooking ahead of time, frozen entrees and Subway in my future.  What things have done to change your home environment and that places you go?

Walking in Winter Wonderland

Okay, I’m totally aware that the holidays are so “last year,” but I thought it was a fitting name for today’s post.   Last night, I promised myself I would get in some activity.  I’ve done such an incredibly good job keeping Weight Watcher points.  I’ve tracked every single thing I put in my mouth this week.  I tracked the Garrett’s popcorn from Chicago, I tracked the bite of pastry that I pinched off in the kitchen at work, I even tracked last night’s midnight Cocoa Puffs n Peanuts snack.   (gee thanks a lot Special Friend for introducing me to the salty sweet chocolaty goodness)  It’s not the healthiest choice, but I guess it better than late night chocolate chip cookies.  But, I also tracked the good things like fruit and yogurt for breakfast and grilled chicken and veggies for dinner.  I decided that today, I was ready to add the activity back in.  Although I’m training for a half marathon and shouldn’t have taken a break, I didn’t want jinx anything, I wanted to make sure I had to the food together.  I’m working hard on pacing myself, and not trying to be Miss Everything.  I have not been this successful with food in a long time, and it feels good to be in control.   I feels good not to be on some outrageous restricting diet.  I can tell you guys are rooting for me, and I appreciate it.

Anyway, I figured since St. Louis had record high weather nearly 70 degrees in the middle of winter that I would walk at lunch with my co-worker friend while it was still daylight. I called his desk at the other firm downstairs and a woman answered saying he was “no longer with the firm.”  I was so upset that my friend was no longer there, we’ve grown close like siblings over the past few years.  We still talk daily even though we work at different firms in the same building, so I was totally caught off guard.  Instantly, my brain told me to feed my emotions.  Then I realized I needed a plan…quick.  I called to make sure he was okay, he hated it there anyway, we both miss our old firm.  The legal field can be pretty cut throat.  Thankfully, he was fine, so I stuck with the original plan.  I walked around, probably less than a mile, and walked to get a salad.  It was gorgeous outside, it made me think, now this is a winter wonderland! I was able to walk back to work, with my head held high.  I did it…eating healthy and activity in the same day, even with the stress of missing one of my best friends.  I’m taking baby steps y’all.  Like I always say in my podcasts, if I can do it, anybody can!

Butts N Guts

I am proud to say that since my half marathon training started on Friday, I have not missed a single day of training.  On Friday, I went to the gym and did a quick, but hilly mile on the treadmill and showered before heading to church to see my little sister praise dance in honor of the church’s 53rd anniversary.  Saturday morning I went to my first group training session in Forest Park.  Because the group is much smaller than last year, there was only one other walker.  Last year there were at least 15 of us walkers.  Even though my ultimate goal is to do a light jog during the race, I’m not quite ready to run with the “real” runners.

The new training schedule distances vary according to your current level of ability.  I’m between a level I and the level II.  Level I required one mile and level II required two miles.  Me and the other walker completed a brisk 1.87 miles together.  It was fun to train with the team again and have the support of the staff and the coaches.  My Big little sister invited me to attend a boot camp-like class called Butts n Guts also on Saturday morning.  After group training, I cleaned out my car to keep myself busy before class, because I knew if I went home I would get back in bed.  I met my sister at the community center and we had our first Butts N Guts class with the ex-military man named Omega.  He worked us out!  I was especially tired since I had already walked nearly 2 miles before 8AM.  The class was an interesting interval mixed workout.  We did the stair step, jumping jacks, leg lifts, bicycles, and even ran a couple laps around the gym.  My sister and my niece and I went to Soulard Market after class to get some fresh veggies and new spices.  I was exhausted and slept well when I got home.

Monday was a beautiful day, 70 degrees in November.  Unfortunately though, we had 25 pleadings to be filed in court that day, so there was hardly time to breathe.  I wanted to walk outside so badly, that I walked a couple quick loops (about one mile) around Kiener Plaza downtown.   Only a few of the occupy protestors were still there since the police put them out. By the time I got back to my desk my attorneys were hunting me down.  It was risky for me to leave, but in hindsight I’m glad that I did since I stayed at work until 9:30 PM and would not have had time to go to the gym.

Today however, felt more like November typically feels, a cool 50 degrees.  It was dark and cold by the time I got off work, and I just wanted to go home.  I couldn’t find my Walk at Home DVD, so I turned on my new show “Ringer” with Sarah Michelle Gellar, and walked circles around the living room.  I fast forwarded through the commercials, but walked the entire time.  I guess I walked about 45 minutes.  I certainly wasn’t sweating, because you can only build up so much momentum and speed while avoiding the glass coffee table and fighting the dog that thinks it’s all a game.  But, I still felt good about being active.  I felt dizzy, but good.  Maybe I should invest in a treadmill? Duh! …Anyway, I’m so happy to have fitness as a priority again.

Like Barefoot, Only Better?

I knew that I had plans this evening, so I decided to walk during my lunch break. It was pretty hot outside, but I walked around near the arch grounds.

Then my old coworker friend met me for salad. It was pretty good. I threw a little bit of everything in my salad including corn and black beans.

I keep a copy of my training calendar on my desk at work, as well as my refrigerator at home. I proudly marked off my second day of 10 K training. Then I got an e-mail about Vibram Five Finger shoes. I had never worn them, but the article title was so catchy that I decided to use it as the title for my post today. I can’t imagine that I would like to wear them because I hate the glove-like socks that separate your toes. However, barefoot style shoes with separate compartments for each toe are the hottest new trend. They claim that there is an advantage for runners because you run more lightly, thus causing fewer injuries. Some people even commented that it helped relieve knee pain while running.   That idea that actually intrigues me, since I do suffer from knee pain occasionally.   Have you run in these shoes? What are your thoughts?
What Did Carli Eat Today?
B- Slim Fast Shake
S- 2 Sandwich Cookies (Lord, why did I buy them???)
L- Salad
D- Fried Chicken Breast, Rice, and Brocolli