Kill the ANTs

I saw a PBS special with Dr. Amen and his book “The Amen Solution: The Brain Healthy Way to Lose Weight and Keep It Off.” One of his brain healthy ways to lose weight is “Killing the ANTS.” He’s not talking about the little creatures that crawled around in your 5^th grade ant farm, but the Automatic Negative Thoughts.  Those ANTS often keep us from losing weight.  I realize that I have so many negative thoughts that go through my mind about my weight every day.  I was reading an article and a lady said she thought about being fat every time she got dressed.  I wish I only thought about my weight when I got dressed.  But anyway, I decided to Kill the ANTs today.  When I looked at my reflection and saw that extra roll on my side, I told myself something positive.  I said “you had a protein shake for breakfast, you started out the day the right way.”  Later this evening, my little sister actually invited me to meet her at the gym.  She told me she was working out for an hour and a half, and asked how long I was staying.  “I don’t know” I told her as she gave me a disapproving once over look.  When I got up to the indoor track, the little ANT voice said, “you haven’t worked out in a week, you’ve never gone that long without working out, you’ll never get back to Week 5.”  I rejected that thought, and did 5 extra minutes of the warm up walk.  I decided to do one more day of Week 4 before actually moving on to week 5.  I was so shocked, after a week of being super-busy/tired/lazy, that I was able to complete all 4 interval runs.  It felt so good.  I wasn’t even exhausted after my run, so I didn’t have a good excuse to leave the gym.  I sat down for a few minutes to catch my breath and then got on the elliptical next to my sister.  We pedaled and talked for 20 minutes.  She still had a half hour advantage on me, which of course bothered my competitive nature, but I was satisfied just to get moving again.

Unleashing the Writer Within

Guess what? I signed up for my 1st writing class.  It’s called Unleashing the Writer Within.  I’m enjoying it so much!  Here is my first piece that I wrote for class.  (new secrets about me will be revealed!)

It just so happened that today was the day that I found the real me.  In my early twenties, I studied investment books and seemly discovered the multi-millionaire real estate tycoon I was destined to become.  I idolized Robert Kiyosaki and Donald Trump.  I took heed to their advice and purchased every investment property the bank would allow.   I didn’t really acknowledge that I knew nothing about property management and could care less about drywall or plumbing.  Ironically, things were great… for a while.  I was 25 years old with wads of cash from rent carelessly thrown on my coffee table.  One of my friends had to tell me, “you look like a drug dealer; you should probably open a business bank account.”  Eventually, I learned how to play the landlord game through experience, life’s true professor.   However, somewhere between the real estate market plummeting under the wake of greedy banks, and my journey to self discovery; I slowly began to realize my mistakes.  My investment egg was scrambled and my tenants and buildings began to fall apart.  I found myself stuck in the “what in the hell do I do now phase?”
Being the internet junkie that I am, I found a “Discover Your Life Purpose” survey online.  They recommended that you write out all of the things that you have a passion for and keep writing and rephrasing, and grouping things together until you get to the phrase that literally makes you cry.  It seemed pretty silly, but I gave it an honest try.  I wrote and wrote and then wrote some more.  Finally, despite my ambivalent feelings, it actually worked.  I even surprised myself when I shed a real tear.  The magic purpose for my life was “share your story and inspire people through your writing.”  I was overjoyed, it felt so right.  But it was also so wrong.  How could this be? When I examined the page long list, real estate investor, property manager or anything comparable was nowhere to be found.  I could not find one thing related to what I had invested so much of my life to obtain.  I couldn’t begin to count the late night trips to the hardware store that were so frequent that I became friends with the employees, or the weekends spent chasing down contractors.  I tried to shove my new life passion back in the box, and pretend it never happened.  I went back to life as usual; work my 9-5, go home, do real estate crap, workout, write my blog, repeat.   I was completely surprised by the people who told me they spent hours reading my website and eagerly awaited more.  After about a year of struggling with what to do, I decided it was time to let the property go.  I called my realtor and whined about non-paying tenants and shared horror stories like the time my front yard turned into a CSI crime scene after a neighborhood shooting. She subsequently broke the bad news to me.  She told me the market was the worst in history, and that I purchased at an inflated rate that will probably never resurface. There was no way out without damaging my credit and taking a huge loss.   I was so heartbroken.  I felt like a vulnerable young couple that was passionately in love and now years later grown apart and heading towards divorce.   Even though I knew it might be “cheaper to keep her.”  I still wanted out of this abusive relationship that drained my mind and my pockets.
I mulled over my dilemma for a few more months before I made a final decision.  Ultimately, I couldn’t put a price on my piece of mind.  Today, I called the realtor again, and told her “I’m ready to sell.”  In my disillusioned past, I was a realtor too.  I knew the process, so I sent her all the pictures and wrote my own MLS advertisement the same day.   It felt so right, like a burden had been lifted already.  I can hardly imagine what life will be like with just one mortgage!  I started to come down from my high when I remembered I had class tonight.  I was tired and didn’t feel like fighting the rush hour traffic after a long day at work.  Why did I sign up for a writing class anyway? My family was probably just being nice saying they enjoyed my blog.  I went to class anyway, since I paid for it.  As I approached the door to the community college classroom, I had a nervous smile as I felt butterflies in my stomach.  Partially because of a high school freshman like fear that I was going into the wrong class and everyone would laugh and point, but mostly because it genuinely felt like I was at the right place.  I was able to relinquish the past and boldly embrace my future as a writer.

Why Are You Fat?

I realize that not all of you are fat, but some of you are overweight. Please don’t take offensive. I’m actually posing the question to myself. Why are you fat Carli? I figure deep down inside there must be a part of me that enjoys carrying around the extra pounds. It sounds ridiculous, but logically, there must be something about it that I like holding on to…. My little sister and I were sitting around while we were supposed to be going to gym and starting discussing our weight. It was so odd that she had the same reasoning that I had. She said there must be something about it that we like, if we continue to stay like this.
I saw a specialist on Oprah a few months ago and he challenged us to answer several questions about being overweight. I casually, yet honestly jotted down my responses as I watched that episode. I was shocked to go back later and read them. I decided to share them with you. I’m spilling my guts, but that’s what I always do here.
Question 1: Why Am I Overweight?
My answer: Because I feed my emotions, both good and bad with food. I enjoy eating and don’t like asking for help or feeling like I can’t do it by myself. I don’t like things that can’t be permanently fixed or finished.
Question 2: Why Do I Want to Lose Weight?
My answer: I want to be comfortable in my own skin, I want to look in the mirror and like it. I want to live my life to the fullest and not be judged because of my size. I want to be my authentic self.
Question 3 Why Am I Not Successful? (The most revealing question if you ask me)
My Answer: Part of me feels like maybe I don’t deserve it. I constantly fight it; rebelling against eating healthy. I’m frustrated that there is no “Finish Line.” Honestly, I’m also kinda scared. I wonder if I lose all the weight and become a perfect 10, then what? What will I do with all the emotions I currently shove down with food? Will I become a smoker? A drug addict? A mean evil person? I don’t have any solid answers, just random thoughts going through my mind. This post may not make sense to anyone but me. But, if it does make sense, feel free to leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? If you are beyond your happy healthy weight, and the scale yells out mean things to you, why are you still overweight?

Getting Ready for My Next Race

Tomorrow morning is the Komen 5K Breast Cancer Race for the Cure.  I’m walking with a couple of friends, oh and about 65,000 other supporters.  A lot of people have been practicing and training.  I feel pretty good, that I don’t really really have to train to walk 3 miles.  I’ve come a long way baby!  The only thing I’m a little worried about it the heat.  Well, anyway, my Hollywood Aunt is in town, Y’all know that my GIRL!  We’re going to hang out tonight.  I’ll post pics from my 7th race tommorow. Later!

Hot As You Know What!

Y’all, it is Hot as you know what outside. Last night I went to bed at a decent time (before the digital clock switched over to AM). I had high aspirations of a productive day. My internal clock woke me up at 6AM, but that was too early. So, I went back to sleep and got up at about 8:30. I was going to go run in the park with day 2 of Week 4, and do laundry, and clean the kitchen. However, the extreme heat knocked me over. I don’t have central air, and it was just miserably hot. Nyah didn’t even want to go outside to potty. I went back to bed, without cooking breakfast. When I finally got up, I had just enough time take a shower and brush Nyah before her doctor’s appointment. I noticed a slight limp when she walked for the past couple of days. Her weight (65 pounds) was the exact same as it was 2 years ago, so they were pleased. The doctor said her teeth and coat looked good. He was so surprised that she gently took the treat from him and sat without being asked. I was glad that she acted well behaved like she does at home, and not like the wild disobedient monster that she is during walks in the park. Nyah was nervous and excited so the nurse had to help hold her while he checked her out. He checked for broken toes, he said her wrist and elbow were fine. I didn’t even know she had a wrist or an elbow. But, when he moved her front right shoulder, she flinched and jerked away. He said it wasn’t broken. But more of a soft tissue pulled muscle. He said it could also be arthritis, because she’s getting at that age. “My baby is old?!” I exclaimed in a shrill voice. “Not old yet,” he calmly reassured me. Just at the age that she could start to get arthritis. I guess Nyah will be 8 in October. The vet prescribed an anti-inflammatory and said to limit her activity for a week and things should be back to normal.

I was supposed to have a 2nd date tonight with a new guy, meeting his friends for game night. But as the time grew closer, I realized he was a no call, no show. At most jobs no call no show = you’re fired. Hmmmm. He might have moved himself into the “you’re fired” category. I was a little upset, but not devastated, it was just the 2nd date. But he was a good catch, 6’4, good job, no kids, sense of humor. We’ll see what happens. Anyway, I channeled my frustration into a pasta recipe that I’ve wanted to try for months. It seemed like a good idea since the gym closed and it’s still above 100 degrees outside. The pasta turned out pretty good. My gym cousin called and I told him that my hot date was M.I.A. and he jokingly told me that it’s so hot that I could go outside and pick up anybody and call it a “hot date.” I got a good belly laugh out of that, and invited him over to try my new recipe. He said it was very good. Check it out!

Fettuccine with Spinach and Feta Cheese

8 oz of Fettuccine Cooked

1 Cup Fat-Free Chicken Broth

10 oz Frozen Spinach thawed and dried

1/3 Cup Sun-Dried tomatoes

1 Cup Non-Fat Ricotta Cheese

¼ Cup of Feta Cheese

Garlic, pepper, and seasoned salt to taste

Cooking Directions: Cook and Drain Pasta. Bring broth, spinach, tomatoes and seasoning to boil. Reduce heat and simmer while covered for 5 Minutes.

Add Ricotta, warm through. Add pasta and feta and toss.

Side Note: I didn’t have sun dried tomatoes, so I used a little salsa. I would assume that you could use whole wheat pasta as well.