Carli's Latest Blog Entry
I’ve got exciting news! First, I’m so super excited that Me and my Big Little Sister are going to Houston, Texas next month for vacation. We have friends and family there, and I’m going to go to Lakewood Church. Do you know what Lakewood church is? It’s the biggest church in the whole country. And, do you know who the pastor is? JOEL OSTEEN! If you read my blog then you know I’m like a Joel Osteen groupie. Okay, maybe “groupie” is bad choice of words, I don’t want to go back stage and….ummm well…let me stop while I’m still ahead lol…. Let’s just say I’m a super fan, yeah that sounds better. On so many occasions Pastor Joel has brought me out of funk and inspired me to be a better person. Even recently, it was his sermon that helped get me through my first week of Weight Watchers. I constantly tell myself all day long, “I weigh what I should weigh, I’m Healthy, I’m Active, I’m Disciplined, I’m Focused and I have what it takes.” My sister thinks I’ll faint before the sermon as soon as I see him and, I probably will.
And in other exciting news I got braces today! Yes I’m a 30-year-old with braces. I had them in college and swore after 2 years of torture that I would always wear my retainer. Well, like most people, I didn’t wear it, and my teeth spread back out. I couldn’t stand to look at them all spaced out anymore. Although over the years, I’ve gotten really good at hiding my teeth when I talk and even better at taking pictures. See Exhibit A, Me and Big Little Sister on Christmas.
I found this cute little cosmetic dentist’s office. The dental assistants cater to you like Hooter’s girls and walk around in high heels with their scrubs. They have flat screen TV’s at every station and fresh-baked cookies on your way out the door. The dentist is young and kinda hot too…I had to ask myself am I really checking him out? Lol I’m sure I’m paying for all of this extra stuff, but they treat you so good! It’s nothing like the kid’s baseball themed orthodontist office I went to years ago. And, get this, the dentist is part of the 6 month smile program. My braces are clear, and they will be off in 3 or 4 months, not years. When I’m all done he’s installing permanent retainers so I don’t ever have to worry about them spacing out again. I’m so excited! Now for the “Before” pic, See Exhibit B, the scary real deal. (I can’t believe I’m posting this.)
Anyway, if you’re wondering about the food and activity side of things, me and my Little Sister danced and sweated with the Kinect last night and I’m down a total of 7.6 pounds just in case you didn’t see my post on my Facebook Page. Man, it feels good to be in control.
Hey everybody! Today while scrolling through my TV shows on my DVR, I watched Oprah’s Next Chapter show with Steven Tyler the lead singer from Aerosmith. Of course I know their songs, but I didn’t really know much about him. He very openly and candidly discussed his strong history with drug addiction. He has been sober for two years and is working the AA program. He said something that really stuck with me. He’s confident that he won’t get high again, but he said “I have to remember that there’s always a 500 lb gorilla waiting in the parking lot that wants to take me down.” Basically, meaning that he can’t get too cocky with his sobriety. He has to remember to work the program and continue to go to meetings. I have never done drugs of any type, but I definitely understand addiction. It made me reflect on my journey with my food addiction.
I think back to the first time that I really lost weight while attending Weight Watchers meetings. I was young and cute and maintaining a 50 pound weight loss. I thought I solved the problem, I was finally cured. Not skinny, but cured. Then those 50 pounds came back and brought their friends with them. Finally, years later I accepted that there was no cure, and joined the hospital weight management program. I lost 50 pounds again. In the past year or so, most of those pounds came back. Early in 2011, I halfheartedly tried to go back to Weight Watchers because in my mind I knew it was the best program for me, but my heart was not in it. On some level I was still in denial that I even needed such a program. Most recently, after literally bursting out of my clothes, I knew something had to be done, and it wasn’t buying new pants. I went back to Weight Watchers again, but this time with a new attitude. This time I am focused on health and positive thinking; not just looking cute. I was always angry that I was “cursed” with something as horrible as a food addiction. Before a stranger even says a word to me, they can look and see that I like to eat too much. At least alcoholics can stop drinking, at least drug addicts can stop snorting and smoking, but I’m forced to let the tiger out of the cage every day, take him for a walk and then I have to have the strength to put him away.
But here’s the thing that’s starting to change. I’m starting to accept that it’s just a part of who I am. I can’t change it, it’s a part of me that will be there forever. But, I’m re-learning that tracking my food and attending meetings helps me control the tiger. I always have to remember that the dark side is there waiting, but also remember that I have the power to stay away from it. Hearing Steven Tyler speak about addiction also helped me realize that even when I do get to a happy healthy weight, I will still have to be mindful of that gorilla. It’s a scary thought, but I’m actually finally starting to feel peace about it. I guess turning 30 is not so bad after all. I’m learning who I am and accepting the fact that I can’t change who I am, but I can change the way I play the cards that I was dealt.
Sometimes in life we have to make hard decisions. Although I have a “do everything” mentality, I’m learning that sometimes I’m just running in circles and not getting everything accomplished. Although I don’t have a husband or kids to keep me busy, everything else does. I have full-time, very demanding job at a law firm and I own and manage investment properties full-time. Not to mention my website that I write for and maintain while trying to break through emotional overeating and train for a half marathon while raising money for cancer. Oh yeah and I’m writing a future best-selling novel. I rarely come home and “relax” after I get home from the law office. I usually change out of my business clothes, put on my landlord “hat” and meet the maintenance guy. We spend so much time together that my family and friends are convinced we’re having some sort of twisted love affair… (we’re definitely not by the way..lol)
We go the hardware store, and run around my properties making sure things get fixed properly. This week alone there were leaky pipes, broken door knobs, and an ongoing apartment rehab for a unit that’s been vacant for a year. The previous tenant was a hoarder, just like you’ve probably seen on the TV show. There was one room in the apartment that I never even saw until after she moved out. There were clothes, bags and trash stacked from floor to ceiling and you couldn’t open the back room door. There was only a little pathway from the main front entrance to the kitchen. Everything else was floor to ceiling junk. She even had a broken doll house from when her daughter was 3 years old…her daughter is an adult. You can only imagine how much work we had to do just to peel back enough layers to see the nasty floor. Anyway, when I finish all of my real estate errands, I come home and write my blog posts. I had to face the music and realize that something has to give. Of course I’m not giving up blogging, I love it, it helps me stay on track and I get a great warm and fuzzy feeling from helping people all over the world learn to run and get active. I tried to get rid of the property, but apparently, divine intervention mapped out a different plan. At first, no realtor would even list the property, then finally, I put the building on the market, and my listing contract expired without so much as one interested buyer. Then, the realtor’s office closed down, the bank denied my short sale, my family and friends disapproved of me selling, and I got great new tenants that I didn’t even ask for. These events, plus a little prayer for guidance led me to believe that I’m stuck with the property. I’m sure when I’m 50 years old and I can retire, I’ll look back and be grateful, but now I’m just annoyed and tired of it costing me lots of money…
Well, what’s the point of this lengthy post now that I’ve done a complete brain dump? Unfortunately, I decided that I’m not going to be able to train for the half-marathon. I feel like a quitter, I don’t like to commit and then back out. But, I really don’t have the time and energy to give Team in Training all that it deserves. If I host any fundraiser, it needs to be raising money to pay the mortgage, buy copper pipes and pay for new window installation. Additionally, when I was working my “real job” preparing for the big national trial, I got way behind in training. When I told my Special Friend, yesterday, he sarcastically said “oh, you realized you don’t have time to train between working your 12 jobs?” … I guess he was right…I don’t. So, if you’re still reading and managed to keep up with my wacky train of thought…simply put, of course I’m still going to be active, but I have to quit Team in training. I need to slow down, I know I won’t be able to raise $1,000 and finish 13 miles in the next 2 months. But hopefully, in two months, I’ll be a few pounds lighter with weight watchers, have a fully occupied property and….peace of mind from learning to take baby steps.
P.S. 14 Straight days of tracking my food, and counting points and I feel GREAT!!!
As I mentioned in my one of my recent posts, I’ve gained most of the weight back that I lost and maintained for a few years. Within the last year or so I’ve completely struggled with sticking to any food plan all while consistently gaining weight. I tried several different plans, Weight Watchers, South Beach, HCG drops, weight loss competitions and even the ridiculous Beyoncé maple syrup lemonade Liquid diet. I was stressed and I had more financial problems than I’ve ever experienced before. Things just were not going according to my “master plan.” But, I don’t want to get comfortable in those explanations or excuses.
I’ve decided to approach my obsessive compulsive eating problem, like I tackle most issues in my life. I look at the pros and cons, study successful role models, take classes, read books, and set achievement goals. I decided to look at times I successfully lost weight and times I gained weight. I lost 50 pounds in college with Weight Watchers, never missing a meeting, tracking my food, and having a regular fitness routine. I gained that 50 pounds back, when I stopped going to meetings because I thought I was “cured” and I was mostly satisfied when my body image. Sadly, I was not “cured.” Old habits snuck back in and I gained all the weight back. Then a few years ago, I lost about 50 pounds with the hospital sponsored weight management program that included high protein, low carb, meal replacement, food diaries and weekly discussion meetings. I couldn’t afford the $80/week fees anymore and stopped going. So, when you look at my history, it appears that I was most successful when I religiously attended weekly meetings and tracked my food. I figure, why should I re-invent the wheel? I should just go with what is tried and proven to work…. But, didn’t I try Weight Watchers earlier this year? Why did I quit? Why wasn’t I a successful loser? If I go back what will be different this time around? Something must change in order for me to succeed.
To answer these questions, I went to Roni’s website, the weight loss blogger I always talk about, and re-read her journey to maintaining a healthy weight. Even though she was never as heavy as I am, her struggle with yo-yo dieting and emotional eating almost mirrors my story exactly. I’m stuck in the same cycle she was, Feel bad about my body –>Eat because I feel bad –> Get excited about new miracle diet –> Fail impossible diet –> Feel bad and eat everything in sight –> gain weight….and repeat. What’s the defintion of insanity, doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting different results. I’ve decied to use my standard life approach to accomplish my goals. I first studied the professional. I looked into how Roni broke the vicious diet cycle. She has a 3 step process. I was honestly shocked to see that the first step was not “join weight watchers.” Step 1 was Self-Acceptance, and loving yourself enough to want to be healthy. I can honestly tell you that each time I lost weight “getting healthy” was not my true motivation; health was more of a by-product of losing weight. My motivation has always been to look better, which is why, when I hit a certain point (typically 50 lbs lost) and I looked better, and I lost that drive to push harder. I was no longer miserable, but comfortable. If your true goal is to be healthy, then fad diets and the numbers on the scale will not have so much of an influence. Step 2 is to get out of the diet mentality; there is no “on plan” and “off plan.” Lastly for Step 3, she suggests that you move more. Thank God, I at least have the fitness aspect figured out. But, for now, I’m circling back to step 1, the area that needs the most work.
I’m focusing on accepting me as I am today, flaws and all. When I was interviewed about losing weight and asked the most important factor of my success, my response was “talking back to negative thoughts.” Recently I’ve underestimated the power of self-respect and self-appreciation. When you accept yourself and love yourself, you take care of yourself, and strive to be healthy and the weight loss is essentially and added bonus. If you often read my blog, you know that I might hit bumps in the road, but I don’t quit! So here is my new year’s resolution. For one of the first times in my life, my resolution does not include Lose ____ pounds by _____date. My resolution is to accept who I am, speak positive things over myself and my life, attend weekly support meeting (because I need them) and strive to be the healthiest version of me that I can be….
Hello new people! Welcome, I’m so excited that you decided to stop by my website. Perhaps, you set a new year’s goal to learn to run or to complete a 5K. Well, you’ve come to the right spot. I’m Carli, and I created a Couch to 5K podcast that you can download for free here. The podcast has great music, has vocal cues to tell when to run. After 9 short weeks, you WILL be a real runner. It doesn’t matter how old, or how fat you are. There is proof my podcast works. Check out my Wall of Fame which is full of successful 5K runners and my Roll Call post where runners all over the world shared their stories of inspiration. Right now, I’m training for my second half marathon to raise money to fight cancer, while continuously fighting the battle of the bulge. My “real job” is a Paralegal and I’m super busy with a big trial going on, so if you have questions please refer to my FAQ page or post your questions on my Facebook page or the Couch to 5K Facebook page. For all my current runners, let’s see if we can increase our speed. Good Luck!
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