For the past couple of days I’ve mulled around in my miserable fatness. I did not want to sprinkle my raindrops on you if you were having a sunny day so I decided not to post a blog entry. I was so frustrated that I’m gradually gaining weight back. Yesterday, I convinced myself that two hotdogs wrapped in pretzels from Annie Anne’s and two cookies from Mrs. Fields at the mall would somehow make me feel better. Miraculously, they did while I ate them, and ironically made me feel equally as bad as soon as I was finished.
Since I tremendously enjoyed the book “A Course in Weight loss” as recommended by Oprah, I decided to try the book she recommended “Women Food and God” to give me a new perspective. Honestly, I was pretty disappointed. Not only because I feel scammed that she starts off the book explaining why the book is not about God, but I felt that she was trying to secretly brainwash me into attending her off kilter fat camp seminars. I know that that sounds kind of harsh, but that’s how I felt about it. Then she occasionally threw in the “F” word to make sure you were still awake. However, I maintain my theory that you should gain at least one good Golden Nugget from everything you read and experience. She often reiterated the idea that it doesn’t make sense for us to believe that we can hate ourselves and hate our bodies into losing weight. Saying negative things and repeating constant self degrading messages in our minds will not logically produce the desired effect of a happy thinner version of yourself. It made me pay attention to the negative monologue that loops in my mind about me and my weight. After sitting down last night and really thinking about it, I just realized that you gotta do the work. There is no easy way out of this. I have most of the tools, and the knowledge to lose weight. It won’t be easy or fun. Anything worth having takes a lot of work to maintain. I decided to focus on what I am good at, which ironically is working out, running and writing. No matter how tired I was today, I was going to do Week 3. Despite the fact that I went to a wedding out of town and missed my weekend routine, I still wanted to run with week three. As soon as I got off work I came home changed into all black fitness clothes and made my way to Forest Park. I was a little intimidated by the three minute runs but there was no way I was going back to week two. I picked a scenic route that would keep me distracted from the burning sensation in my calves. I “wrote” this post in my head over and over to keep my mind off of running. The last three minute run interval was tough, but just as I felt like I couldn’t run anymore; a group of about 5 jogging ladies smiled and cheered me on. I believe that God sends little reminders and encouragement right when you need it. It felt so good to complete all of the intervals without stopping. So that’s my goal for the next week focus on the things I’m good at, and maybe the other things will fall into place.
I got a call today from my Team In Training half marathon buddy. She said that I motivated her to sign up for the Rock ‘n Roll half marathon in October and that we could do it together. She really caught me off guard, because I haven’t even signed up yet. I guess I have to sign up now that I persuaded someone to do it with me. I guess that’s why it’s always good to have a workout buddy, someone to keep you on track. Today was my first workout since the half marathon. For a few days I wasn’t physically able to work out, and the next few days I just felt kind of lazy. It was sort of like the post race blues. After you’ve trained for something for month after month, you kind of wonder what to do with yourself now. I didn’t want to get too comfortable not working out, so I went to the gym today after work. All I knew was that I wanted to do something different. I did not want to get anywhere near the indoor track or the treadmill. I wanted to do anything other than walk. I thought about running a little but that was still too much like walking. Ultimately, I decided to get on the elliptical machine. I wasn’t even sure if I could do it anymore, as I did not really cross-train during my half marathon season I was supposed to. To my surprise it wasn’t too bad at all. I easily finished a full 30 minutes of gliding my arms and legs. I was sweating a little, but not even out of breath. I could’ve done more but my stomach was a little upset so I decided to head back home. Aside from my stomach I felt really good! It was like my body was thanking me for moving again.
Yesterday on my lunch break I walked over to the hotel to pick up my race day shirt. It kind of hurt my feelings that the ladies extra-large size probably wouldn’t fit over my arm. I realize that I am “over blessed” in the chest but sometimes it’s still difficult to have to get the man sized shirt just to fit over my ginormous boobs. I was so confident right up to that point that she handed me the green runner’s shirt. I began to feel that little nervous lump swell my throat. It clicked in my head that I actually signed up for FIVE mile race. I called my little sister to make sure I would have some backup. She had my back as usual. We decided to have fun and went and got our nails done in funky colors.
Then we went to the beauty supply store because I wanted a pretty flower or something green to put in my hair. And then I saw it, the green hair weave! Somehow I managed to talk my little sister over the edge with me. We went over my Big Little sister’s house who happens to be a hairstylist and she added the green streaks of hair for us. Mardi the surprise dog is doing just fine in his new home. My sister told me the other day that when she awoke from her nap both of her babies who are being potty trained had pooped in the floor! What a mess! LOL!
This morning my Little Sister and I caught the Metrolink train downtown. I was a little worried that we had gone overboard with the green hair, but that was before I saw the green ballerina tutu’s, green leggings and green clover shaped antennas on people’s heads. We fit in perfectly. There was however this really strange guy on the train that kept telling my sister he would perform CPR on her. Still not sure why he thought that was necessary… You never know what you’re going to get on public transportation. 
We got off at the Busch Stadium stop but we were both too scared to use the Porter potties, so we ran over to my job to use the nice indoor restroom. And who did we see on the elevator? None other than the partner of the law firm I work for! I’m sure he now wonders what sort of person I am on the weekend with green hair, green nails and lime green eye shadow. I wanted to tell him, really I bought all this stuff last night I don’t even own green accessories. He was pretty nice as usual and wished us luck on our run. Once we were back outside, I explained to my little sister that the serious competitive runners go first and then the walkers follow behind. She was so frustrated that we were walking. I kept trying to explain to her that I’ve only trained to walk, not run my half marathon. She still wanted to run, since “everybody else was.” We jogged for about half a mile before I ran out of gas. We may have done a few more quick spurts, but I am really not in shape for running. We walked the rest of the way. I kind of wish I hadn’t burnt myself out in the beginning so that I could of kept up a faster more steady pace throughout the entire race. There were so many fun characters to see, people in homemade go carts, newlyweds decked out in a wedding dress and a tuxedo followed by beer cans on strings tied around their waist. One group was even tied together and ran like one giant snake through the crowd. My pregnant co-worker had on a shirt that said “Does this Baby Make me look Fat?” Hilarious! We had a lot of fun. 
Our green hair got a lot of attention and looks. By the time we got to the last mile I was pretty tired of walking. Finally we saw the finish line. My sister said there was no way that she would walk across the finish line so we picked up our pace and ran through with great pride as if we had run the entire five miles. One guy was so inspired that he ran with us. One of my fellow LLS Team in Training members took a great finish line picture of me and my sister. At first I didn’t like it because I looked fat. But then I realized maybe someone else can look at me and see themselves and say “if Carli can do it so can I.” My goals were to finish the entire race, not finish last, not pass out, and have fun. Mission accomplished.
Today’s race was quite the learning experience. I realized that I am not quite ready for my half marathon. I’ve been so busy most evenings this week working on a seemingly failing “investment” that I haven’t had time for nightly workouts. People have said to me you look hung over, you look tired, my mom nicely said maybe you should put on some eyeliner. I’ve talked to both my realtor and my accountant and it looks like I’m stuck with what I got so I am trying to work hard and make the best of it. I realized today, I was working hard on my investment at the expense of my training. I have to find the right balance. I guess I will have to try and squeeze in some morning workouts, and not stay up till midnight (or later) watching TV. B can’t feel as sluggish as I felt today during my real race. My sister and I planned out a tentative schedule where we should get in at least 5 workouts a week. All in all I realized that I’ve come a really long way. This time last year I would not have even considered even signing up for five mile race and now I’ve actually completed one!
Half marathon here I come!
My best friend’s sister invited me to a Zumba dance party fundraiser. I’ve heard about Zumba but I’ve never attended a class before. I packed my gym bag last night, because I knew I wouldn’t have time to come home and get dressed before the Zumba party began. However, I still had a few errands to run and arrived just a few minutes late. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I followed the loud salsa reggae music to the gym at the church where class had already started. The moves those ladies were doing didn’t have anything to do with church or Jesus. I asked my best friend, how do you know what to do? just follow along? She told me to follow the teacher on the stage. That little lady was dancing and popping and locking and dropping and shaking and twisting. I am about the most uncoordinated black girl I know, how in the world was I, gonna do choreographed dance moves like that? I uncomfortably did a couple of hip rolls and a few steps on top of my own feet to the left and to the right. But, I looked around at the other 40 or so women who looked like they were having a blast. Everyone was dancing to their own groove screaming Zumba! I decided to relax a little and enjoy it for what it was, who cared if I stepped to the left 2 seconds after the teacher stepped to the right. I let go of my inhibitions and had so much fun! I caught on after the first couple songs and realized that the high energy dance moves went along with the lyrics and they pretty much repeated at the chorus. I’ve never done a cardio class quite like that. The instructor said you can burn up to 1000 calories in a one hour Zumba class. I felt like I was in a hip-hop, belly dancing, salsa music video. I looked like Beyonce or Janet Jackson…kinda…sorta..well, anyway, I felt like I had learned some sexy moves. As the lights came up I grabbed my bottled water happy that I had completed my first Zumba class.
Then the energetic instructor informed us that we were on an intermission and had 40 minutes left after the break. Hmmmm, all I could think was that I have 11 miles of group training at 7 in the morning, is this really the best idea? I was looking around to see if anyone left but it didn’t appear that anyone did. Wow, another 40 minutes? I grudgingly got back out on the floor when the lights went down and the disco party lights began to flicker. For the first song I kind of half did all the moves because I was so scared that I was going to hurt tomorrow morning. Then I said what the heck, I’m here, I might as well give it all I’ve got to burn off all of the calories I can. For the next 40 minutes I danced, threw my hands up, jumped and screamed Zumba! It was a ton of fun, and a ton of sweat. I felt so good after class was over and looking forward to my next. Thanks best friend for inviting me.
Today I conquered a MOUNTAIN! Little Miss Commenter who shall remain nameless (unless you read these comments) told me that Runyon Canyon was a great place to “walk” while here in California. I asked my Hollywood Aunt if she would take me, she couldn’t go, but 2 of her friends agreed to take me. I had NO idea what to expect. We got out of the car which was about six blocks from the gated entrance to the Canyon. It was the longest six blocks of my life. It was a constant steep incline; it felt like someone was pulling me backwards as I walked. We don’t have hills like that in St. Louis…. By the time I got to the entrance, I was sweating and winded just from climbing 6 blocks! I had to sit down on a rock, I couldn’t believe it. I jokingly told my Aunt’s friend I felt skinny already. Then it was time for the real challenge, climbing Runyon Canyon. It was hard y’all. It was literally like climbing a jagged paved road on a mountain. Then I thought somebody bumped into me. It was actually a big dog not on a leash. I thought, oh the fur baby accidently got away from his Mommy. Then I realized that most of the dogs weren’t on leashes. There were tons of dogs without leashes running up and down the path and the outskirts of the canyon. That was so strange to me. They looked so free… I guess we have leash laws or something in Missouri. ….
Anyway, at one point the climb got so hard I almost turned around…No, actually I did turn around to go back and thought what a sucky blog post that would be to tell the story of how I started but didn’t finish. The hill got steeper and the air got thinner the higher up I climbed. One guy saw me struggling to breathe and reminded me to breathe in through my nose. That helped a lot. Later another guy smiled and said you’re almost there! Then I saw my Aunt’s friends waving at me from the top, they were only about 10 minutes in front of me. I can do that. I can finish. I was so happy to finally make it to the top. It was so beautiful! It made home look really…flat. You could see the whole city from one side and the Hollywood Sign and the houses in the Hill on the other side. I felt like a champion or a cool Gladiator… Going back down was breeze; all I had to do was balance a little to keep from rolling down the path. We finished a total of 3.6 miles. What a day! Thanks Little Miss Commenter for recommending such an amazing experience.
Pointing to the Hollywood Sign, not my t-shirt
The Mountain Climbing Champ!
