Finally, after Days and Days of feeling kinda stuck in a slump. I got my Mojo back. I’m ready! I’m ready to love myself enough to treat my body like I deserve. After about a week of not blogging, not working out and eating all kinds of devil food like cheesecake sundaes. I’m finally ready. I felt like that unhealthy lifestyle was what I wanted. But after temporarily going back to it, I learned that it’s not. Physically, my body was so stiff and my stomach was always upset from all that deep-fried and sugar filled food. And mentally, it didn’t feel good either. However, I did keep myself dedicated to my mirror challenge. Every time I saw my reflection I said something good about myself. Every single time. Sometimes, you do have to be your own cheerleader. Last night, I promised myself that before I visited any family or ate Memorial Day BBQ, I had to go running in the park. I overslept this morning, but decided not to use that as an excuse. It was super hot outside too, and the gym was closed for the holiday, but I didn’t use that as an excuse either. I couldn’t find the shorts I wanted to wear, but I didn’t use that as an excuse either. I got dressed grabbed my water bottle and was on my way. I remember that time I thought I almost died from heat and dehydration, so I was more prepared for the humid hot weather today. I ran to Week 1 of my podcast and I had a smile on my face the whole time. It felt sooo good to workout again. It was like my excitement was oozing off of me. Other runners in the park were smiling and waving and cheering me on (yes, literally). And then I saw him…this sexy chocolate brother walking over to the pond to go fishing. Then, he said something to me, but I couldn’t hear him because my iPod was so loud. I smiled and took out my headphones and said “I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you” He reached out and touched my sweaty shoulder and said “nice moving” I almost died!!! OMG! He was so cute. I said thanks and kept moving. If it wasn’t 95 degrees outside and I wasn’t already an hour and a half late for lunch, I would have turned around and let him see me “move nicely” again! LOL! Anyway, I successfully finished all of the running intervals in Week 1 and walked another mile or so and finished up a little over 2.6 miles overall. I feel great, and I’m happy that I’m now craving good things. I’m even going to keep my food diary on a holiday!
What did Carli Eat Today?
B- Snack crackers before my run & tons of water
L- Hamburger, Hot Dog, grilled zucchini & squash, Small side salad, slice of lemon cake and fruit for dessert
D- BBQ chicken and baked beans
I Love My Eyes
Yesterday, I was watching one of the final episodes of the Tyra Show *tear* (I TiVo it every day)….One of her guest’s was a young lady who was brutally raped while attempting to go to a modeling gig. The so-called modeling recruiter beat her so badly that she had severe bruises and soon began to hate her body and her reflection in the mirror. To help her, Tyra stood her in front of a mirror and told her to find one thing that she liked. The very pretty girl had a hard time, but ultimately said that she liked her hair. Tyra told her to do it at home (naked) and find a new physical thing every month, and embrace that body part and love it. I think I have okay self-esteem, I love dressing cute and looking good and y’all know I’m not camera shy. But, it made me think about how I really feel on the inside about myself when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I’m so mean to myself. I say cruel things to myself that I would never say to anybody else. “Your face has acne like a 12 year old, your stomach is disgusting, your teeth look terrible because you forget to wear your retainer, you have gross sagging skin from losing so much weight.” When I really listened to the things I told myself on a regular basis, it was pretty bad, actually kind of sad. When I was on a really good path and losing weight at a steady rate, I stopped saying negative things like that to myself. I want to get back to that place. That happy place of losing weight, and feeling good about myself. So this morning, when I got up, I picked something I liked. I picked my eyes. They have a nice almond shape and they’re proportionate with my face. All day long, when I looked in the bathroom mirror at work or saw my reflection as I walked past a window, I looked at myself and said I love my eyes. It made me feel good, instead of immediately attacking myself for my flaws. I can’t believe I’m really sharing all of this, because I’ve never talked about it with anyone. But I hope that my story will help someone else feel like they’re not in the struggle alone. So, will you take the mirror challenge? I did. Find just one thing that you like, and go from there!
Today was my niece’s 2nd Birthday. Well, technically her b-day was yesterday, but her party was today. Her birthdays are always so special. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you guys the whole story, but my niece was born 4 months too early, my sister was only 24 weeks pregnant. She came into the world weighing only 1 pound and 7 ounces. The doctors didn’t think she would make it through the night. But we prayed and cried and after 4 long hellish months in the hospital NICU, we were finally able to bring her home. Today was such a huge celebration, my Big Little Sister said there were 80 adults and kids. There was a kiddie pool, bar-b-que and even a bounce house. And, the way my family cooks, there was still a ton of food left when the party was over…..But let me rewind. All week long, I said I was going to go try a Birkram Yoga class where they keep the classroom at 105 degrees, and you’re supposed to sweat a lot and lose weight. But, last night me and my friend had movie night and watched “Avatar” and “It’s Complicated
” until the wee hours of the morning, so I didn’t feel like getting up for the 8 AM yoga class. But, I did get up and go to the park and run to my Week 1 Podcast for the Couch to 5K running program. It kicked my butt! I kept saying “Carli, talk me to baby, tell me it’s time to walk.” Every time I felt like quitting, I told myself you ARE Carli, you have to be able to do week 1. When I finished the series of 60 second interval runs, I turned around and finished the whole 3 miles. It wasn’t hot yoga class, but it was approaching 90 degrees outside, and I certainly did sweat. Then I went to the store to pick up my niece’s birthday cake for my sister. When I was there, I ran into my Shopping Cousin. What a coincidence?! She was doing what we do best…shopping LOL! But, she caught me red-handed with some mini lemon cakes that were calling my name in the bakery department. She said “Ah-ha! I caught you! I’ll bet you weren’t going to put those on the blog” Ummmm… no I wasn’t, but I guess I have to now. So, I kept some for myself and took the rest to the party. It was super hot outside, but we were all just happy it wasn’t raining, since it rained the 12 of the last 15 days *ugh*. That’s why boot camp was canceled again on Thursday….anyway, my niece had a wonderful time. She loved the bounce house after she realized what it was for, she didn’t even come out to open her presents. I bought her some baby bling, a gold bracelet and cross pendant gold necklace. Looking at the party pics, I realized that I might think I’m sneaking food, but my chubby cheeks and double chin tell it all. Like they say when you cheat your diet, the only person who you’re really cheating is yourself. I see old habits slipping back in, and I have to get it together sooner rather than later. I need to find the right motivation to get me going again. Like I always say, I only feel failure when I stop trying. Sometimes I feel like quitting, but I’m still trying!
Daddy and Niece
The Birthday Girl
Niece at 2 Pounds
Yesterday, I went to boot camp, but I was having such a bad day and I was in such a crabby mood, that I didn’t really want to write about it and bring everybody down to my level. I felt fat, I had cramps, I miss my cousin, work was stressing me out, and folks owed me money. It was just not a good day. But today was better, just a regular Hump-day aka Wednesday. After work my friend and I went to the park and took our weekly leisure 3 mile walk. My knee was bothering me, but I just pushed through it. Unlike last week’s power walking surprise, we took our time. After our walk I went and got Pizza Hut for dinner. I know that’s a terrible food choice, but that’s what I wanted (can we say emotional eating?) Anyway, while I was waiting on my order, I went to the Blockbuster video store next door. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m a complete movie fanatic. Like my Big Little Sister said, “Carli, all you do is work, blog, workout and watch movies.” And yep….that’s pretty much my life in a nutshell. LOL! …Anyway, when I walked in Blockbuster, it felt so archaic. I was like, you mean I’ll have to come back to this store in 5 days, and get out the car, just to return the movie? Netflix converted me about a year or two ago. There’s nothing like coming home to that fantastic little red envelope, and opening up to see what treasure lies inside. (Told you I was a fanatic, I watch at least 3 or 4 movies every week, if not more) But, I was quite shocked to find out that Blockbuster gets some of their movies 28 days before Netflix or Redbox. At first I felt robbed, but then I realized, if it wasn’t good enough to see at the theater, who cares if I have to wait another 30 days to see it. So I walked around and picked all the movies I liked, so I could come home and add them to my Netflix’s queue. Well, I’m going to eat my devil food aka pizza and open my envelope and watch The Blind Side
with Sandra Bullock. Last Night I watched “The Proposal
“ with her also. That movie was too cute! I really liked it. Well, I could babble on and on about how cool the midnight sun was when they were in Alaska and the sun was shining 24 hours a day even at night. Or how funny Ramone the overweight hairy stripper was…But, I’ll sign off. Later!
P.S. Netflix didn’t pay me to say that, but I’m trying to figure how they can! LOL!
P.P.S. Please don’t go eat pizza just because I did.
I couldn’t choose between “Holy Crap” (because today is Sunday) or “I Was Full of Crap” as a blog post title. Because, both titles are totally accurate….. Somehow, some way, my Big Little Sister, convinced me to go get colonics. I was always curious about it, but never bold enough to actually do it….until today. It’s supposed to be good to jumpstart weight loss and cleanse old gross stuff off of your colon walls. We went to Dr. Israel a certified holistic colon hydro-therapist. I was so proud that I could check off the highest rating for exercise habits, 3-5 times a week, and leave the soda drinker box blank on the health pre-screening form. Now, I’m warning you, I’m about to get really graphic and really gross, but you know you’re curious too! So keep reading, I won’t tell anybody you read this… So here is how the “crap” went down today. I made my sister go first, because we are so similar in so many ways that I knew that whatever adverse reaction she would have, I would probably have also. The doctor was freakishly excited, and told my sis to lube up her butt with vegetable oil and get on the table-like board connected to a toilet. She covered her legs with a towel for privacy, while she laid on her back in the baby delivery position. She then instructed her to find the right hole and insert the tube. How do I know? Because, I was right there watching everything. Call me gross, but I needed to know the process if I was going to do it. The doctor turned on the water and the process began. It reminded of siphoning gas from a car. The water flows in and somehow the water and everything else comes flowing out. My sister said “I feel like you’re watching me take a dump” to which I replied “That’s because I am.” She said after a few minutes it felt almost therapeutic, like the toxins were being flushed away. I was still very skeptical about the whole thing. But, I went along with it and took my turn on the board after my sister and the doctor got all cleaned up. I covered up my good pieces with the towel across my knees. Me and my sis are close, but we had to draw the line somewhere LOL! I put the small tube in, and believe it or not that was the least uncomfortable part about the whole experience. The procedure was horrible! The doctor said people who are control freaks often have a hard time relaxing and letting go. Well, I am a control freak, and it was very hard for me to feel comfortable involuntarily doo-dooing on a table. It felt so gross, like I had gas and diarrhea. Finally after about 45 minutes of poop and warm water spraying out of my butt, it was almost over. I had to run to the bathroom twice after I got up. I felt so sick, I was sweating and my legs were shaking. My sister even admitted that she didn’t tell me about the bad parts because she knew I wouldn’t have done it! She is unbelievable! I will NOT do this again. The doctor explained that it was the body’s way of going through a detoxification process, and that she has seen colonics cure everything from allergies to cancer. Whatever! If that’s what it takes, then I guess I’ll just remain “Full of crap.”
